Position Matters!
Intimacy. What’s the first thought that comes to your mind when you hear that word? For many, especially in the context of marriage, the mind jumps straight to the bedroom. But that’s not where intimacy begins. The bedroom is not the source of intimacy—it’s the celebration of it!
If the bedroom is the only place where you feel truly close, take this as a gentle warning sign. True intimacy starts long before you ever get there. It’s built in the everyday moments—through trust, communication, laughter, vulnerability, and shared experiences. Without this foundation, what happens in the bedroom can easily leave you feeling empty, used, frustrated, hurt, and disconnected. Considering that approximately 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men experience some form of sexual violence across their lifetime, this topic of intimacy can become even more complicated and often a struggle for many couples.
Today, however, that is not the focus of this particular post. Today I want to focus on how just a few changes in your routine as a couple can help foster a newfound intimacy that will carry over into every part of your relationship!
Take a moment and think about how you, as a couple, communicate. I’m not talking about “I feel” statements or even how to argue well. I’m asking you to think about what position you are in as a couple when you communicate. Confusing question, right? Let me explain. I began noticing recently that my husband and I have somehow gotten ourselves stuck in a routine of engaging in daily conversations—from across the house! LITERALLY! I’m shouting to him from my office while he’s in the living room. Or perhaps from the kitchen while he’s up in the bedroom. We live in a society that is always on the go—quick text chats with even shorter abbreviations thrown in. Our culture has even accepted the “like” or “heart” emoji as a perfectly normal response. Our marriages get bogged down with typical information-exchange conversations about who is picking up the kids, when the DIY project will get done—and to further reduce intimacy, we do it shouting from across the house!
Recently, in a mentor session, we asked a couple to make a simple change in their marriage. The wife worked from home while her husband worked long hours out of the house. What was the one simple change?
We asked him to take a moment in his vehicle when he got home. We suggested he pause to pray, declare the Word of God over himself and his marriage, and do all that before getting out of his vehicle and entering the house.
We asked her to meet him at the door when he got home from work and for them to embrace—taking time to hold each other and “reset” the atmosphere for the evening.
Corny, right? Well, as a matter of fact, that is exactly what she said a week later when we checked in with them. She said, “Well, it totally felt like the 1950s, but you know what? It also totally works! We have had an amazing week!” Mark checked in with him, and he responded, “It has been a powerful week! The Lord is moving in mighty ways in our marriage.”
Now back to that word: Intimacy.
One of the things my husband insists on is making it a priority to FACE EACH OTHER WHEN WE TALK. Sounds simple, right? But think about your relationship. How often do you actually sit down and face each other to discuss anything? Literally looking at each other’s face—not just sitting side by side on the couch, looking forward. My husband will often pull me in as we sit facing each other, with my knees between his. Having any discussion in this position fosters understanding, communication, and INTIMACY by leaps and bounds.
I suggest that even this one simple commitment to your relationship will transform your marriage! Take on the challenge like the couple we mentored. Focus on slowing down, greeting each other, and then communicating face-to-face—and see what God can do! Watch your marriage atmosphere shift!
